How To Deal

there is this movie, how to deal, and i absolutely loved it. everyone i know actually hated it except for laura. we loved it. anyways, i thought the title was appropriate because basically the past two years of my life has been my learning "how to deal".

so i mentioned this earlier but i am learning just alot about alot of things. so in all this learning i have discovered alot about myself. and basically i have decided to not really post how i am doing or whats going on in my heart anymore. who knows i may get on to just write about nonsense, because sometimes i like that sort of thing, but no more than that. it's not that i don't want people to know, but 1- im justing putting all my stuff out there. not everyone deserves to know that. not everyone wants to know that. 2- i have figured out that i just dump all my problems like 2 seconds after i meet someone. or even many of you. and they didn't ask to know, i just went on and on and on. knowing all this information about me could be burdensome for some people, and they didn't ask for that. it kind of reminds me of the movie mean girls where lindsey lohan's character had "word vomit". now hers was just being mean and talking about people. but she couldn't stop it. i start to spill my guts and i just don't stop. i hate that i have put so much about me just out there, but i can't change whats happened, i can only change from here on out. 3- people do get on here and read about how i am doing. and they know. and they care. and thats good. but it hurts me because instead of calling me or emailing me they just get on to check and i get gypped because there is no personal checking on me and i need that.

i don't mean for all of this to come off rude or anything. its just part of me growing up and learning from my mistakes. i know its an acceptance thing. and my mindset was if i put everything out there, that person could turn around run in the other direction or embrace me. and that all comes from the lie that i have believed for so long that i am too much to handle.

i apologize to anyone who feels like i threw all this information at them and you didn't even want to know in the first place. everyone has got their stuff, but its just something you keep to yourself, or as a friendship develops you slowly begin to share.

i guess one good thing out of all of this is that i have learned a valuable lesson. the Lord is showing me things that are keeping me captive.

"It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery. " Gal 5:1

So if you really want to know how i am doing, just ask me. it's the best thing for me right now. everyone has been so supportive and i am so grateful for all of the encouragement and prayers.
I am signed up for classes and it looks like i'm 90% sure i'm coming back in the fall. i miss all of you. hopefully i will see some of you at encounter this summer. i feel like i'm saying my goodbyes. i guess i'm just saying my internet goodbyes. but like i said, this is the best thing for me. and i am just learning how to deal. i'll end on this note. i want to live in the reality that Christ is life. i want all of us to live in the reality that Christ is life.

"From Him, through Him, and to Him are all things, to Him be the glory forevemore"