honest confession
There is this girl that was my age in the head pain unit in Michigan when I was there. There were actually quite a few, but I want to talk about this girl specifically. She was so funny for one, but she had been there this past summer and was back for a second time. I've been trying to keep intouch with her. She had some sort of complication with her leg. Then over Christmas she had 2 blood clots in her lungs. While she was at the hospital for that her head went back to bothering her again. She was so sweet, and a few times we were alone and able to just really share some stuff that we didnt want the whole hospital to know. She was just struggling and have such a hard time. And I could see she wanted Christ's abundant life but she just felt so defeated. So I just sent her an email trying to encourage her. After I sent it, I reread what I had written. It was crazy to me- I presented her with alot of truth and encouragement, but I can't believe I wrote it. Let me share:
Please remember that there is an plan- His ultimate plan. The Lord uses all situations to push and grow us, as well as bring glory to His name. I know its hard to hear. In psalm 13 it says "How long O Lord, will you forget me? How long will you hide your face from me?" For the longest time that is the only piece of scripture that my heart could identify with. But take heart! Where we are weak He is strong! (2 Cor. 12:8-10) and again- "Consider it pure joy when you are facing trials of many kinds...Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him."(James 1). God has put you where you are to grow you, to pull out character traits he has already placed in you, to make you a stronger person, and to strengthen your faith(1 Peter 1:6-7) And you also must remember: "By his wounds we have been healed" (1 Peter 2:24) At the cross we were healed. Claim that promise, even if your not there yet, claim it and walk towards it. "I come that they may have life, and have it to the full" (John 10:10) He wants us to have abundant life!! "But then I will win her back once again. I will lead her out into the desert and speak tenderly to her there. I will return her vineyards to her and transform the Valley of Trouble into a gateway of hope." (Hosea 2:14-15) He has brought us to the desert, stripped us of everything we know. BUT He promised to lead us THROUGH the desert- He wants to bring us out, he wants to give us hope. Trust in Him and remember even when we are faithless, He still remains faithful to us!(2 Tim 2:13) He lives in you and He will never leave you. "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go." (Joshua 1:9) I hope this has been somewhat encouraging. I get to the point where I don't even want to hear about God or His promises because it just hurts too badly. But know that He loves you, He always has loved you, and He always will. You are His precious daughter and He will always be holding you in the palm of His hand!!
Obviously the Lord was speaking through me, because none of those words are mine. For some reason my heart has just not been- I dont know how to describe it. I feel so distant from the Lord. I feel like I am just devoid of passion. I can't feel His presence within me. It's almost like I just feel numb. A few days ago I just started sobbing. I didn't understand why my heart was feeling empty. I let the enemy sneak in and feed me lies. I was crying, telling my mom that I was so pathetic. I really felt pathetic and defeated. My mom told me that it wasn't true- it was only a lie that Satan was feeding me. I was able to recognize the deception, but my heart still just aches. I know there are seasons of life, and the Father is always there, even when we can't feel Him. But for some reason I still can't get back to where I was with the Lord. Maybe the problem is I'm trying to get back, and thats impossible, we can only walk forward. I just am asking the Lord to take away this ache in my heart. To fill me with His hope and comfort. Its so easy for me to just ignore the problem, and not think about it. But even then I am just doing random tasks and still feeling empty. I think alot of it is that I am just scared. Scared of where I am and where my life is headed. Scared that I will never have a day without my head hurting. Scared that what in the world will happen when I do get better- my life has been only doing the bare minimum for such a long time. I am scared to get up and live again. I don't even know what that looks like. And I know I don't have to. I don't really have anything else to say. I'm just laying it all out there. Maybe right now I just need to focus on truth. "My GRACE is sufficient for you, for My power is made PERFECT in weakness."
Please remember that there is an plan- His ultimate plan. The Lord uses all situations to push and grow us, as well as bring glory to His name. I know its hard to hear. In psalm 13 it says "How long O Lord, will you forget me? How long will you hide your face from me?" For the longest time that is the only piece of scripture that my heart could identify with. But take heart! Where we are weak He is strong! (2 Cor. 12:8-10) and again- "Consider it pure joy when you are facing trials of many kinds...Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him."(James 1). God has put you where you are to grow you, to pull out character traits he has already placed in you, to make you a stronger person, and to strengthen your faith(1 Peter 1:6-7) And you also must remember: "By his wounds we have been healed" (1 Peter 2:24) At the cross we were healed. Claim that promise, even if your not there yet, claim it and walk towards it. "I come that they may have life, and have it to the full" (John 10:10) He wants us to have abundant life!! "But then I will win her back once again. I will lead her out into the desert and speak tenderly to her there. I will return her vineyards to her and transform the Valley of Trouble into a gateway of hope." (Hosea 2:14-15) He has brought us to the desert, stripped us of everything we know. BUT He promised to lead us THROUGH the desert- He wants to bring us out, he wants to give us hope. Trust in Him and remember even when we are faithless, He still remains faithful to us!(2 Tim 2:13) He lives in you and He will never leave you. "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go." (Joshua 1:9) I hope this has been somewhat encouraging. I get to the point where I don't even want to hear about God or His promises because it just hurts too badly. But know that He loves you, He always has loved you, and He always will. You are His precious daughter and He will always be holding you in the palm of His hand!!
Obviously the Lord was speaking through me, because none of those words are mine. For some reason my heart has just not been- I dont know how to describe it. I feel so distant from the Lord. I feel like I am just devoid of passion. I can't feel His presence within me. It's almost like I just feel numb. A few days ago I just started sobbing. I didn't understand why my heart was feeling empty. I let the enemy sneak in and feed me lies. I was crying, telling my mom that I was so pathetic. I really felt pathetic and defeated. My mom told me that it wasn't true- it was only a lie that Satan was feeding me. I was able to recognize the deception, but my heart still just aches. I know there are seasons of life, and the Father is always there, even when we can't feel Him. But for some reason I still can't get back to where I was with the Lord. Maybe the problem is I'm trying to get back, and thats impossible, we can only walk forward. I just am asking the Lord to take away this ache in my heart. To fill me with His hope and comfort. Its so easy for me to just ignore the problem, and not think about it. But even then I am just doing random tasks and still feeling empty. I think alot of it is that I am just scared. Scared of where I am and where my life is headed. Scared that I will never have a day without my head hurting. Scared that what in the world will happen when I do get better- my life has been only doing the bare minimum for such a long time. I am scared to get up and live again. I don't even know what that looks like. And I know I don't have to. I don't really have anything else to say. I'm just laying it all out there. Maybe right now I just need to focus on truth. "My GRACE is sufficient for you, for My power is made PERFECT in weakness."
posted by Christy G at 1/25/2006 08:41:00 AM
2 Comments:
very inspiring post....
sweet Christy,
is sufficient, the Word doesn't say it can be made sufficient, or will be made sufficient, it IS sufficient. praying you'll be open to receive grace sufficient. thanks for the encouragment.
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