Glory

It's hard to believe that I've had this puppy a little over a year now. wow- so much has changed in just a year. but at the same time alot of things are the same. I don't ever update this regularly anymore so anyone who ends up reading this will probably just be a completely random thing. My head is still bad. It still hurts all the time 24/7 non stop which is annoying to say the least. the severity of the pain has decreased though, so i have that to be thankful for. i have also just figured out i go through spells. sometimes i'm making it and somedays i don't think i will make it at all. the past week has been bad. i get really depressed when my head gets really bad like this. i just cry at the smallest things, which makes my head even worse and thus the vicous cycle.

Today on the concourse there were people who were stopping and asking people if they could pray for something. the guy stopped me and asked if he could pray for anything for me. and i said yea- actually there is. he kept praying and saying that sickness is not God's will. now this is a sticky subject. there are a whole lot of opinions within the christian community on sickness. i'm not saying that me being sick is what God wants. but at the same time there is reason and purpose in everything. i know in heaven i will never feel any type of pain, but here, on this earth, in a fallen world, well- bad things happen. sickness is part of a broken, fallen, hurting world. I know that the Lord is sovereign in everything. EVERYTHING. good and bad. everything. there is purpose in my sickness. i have to believe that. will i ever be better? i don't know. but i do know this. all things work to ultimately glorfiy His name and His kingdom. the big picture. we loose sight of the big picture. i am nothing compared to the big picture. and if the Lord chooses to heal me in this life, in this world- it will be at a moment when He can be the most glorified. now i know that many of you who read this will disagree. but thats ok. i know few people who know what it feels like to be sick everyday. to wake up with it waiting for you and to go to sleep and have it hanging over you. but these people have encouraged me. they know God is sovereign. and they give meaning to perserverance.

i don't even know if all of that flows together and makes sense, but i hope it does. the bottom line in everything is remember the big picture. His big picture. His Glory. and i have a hard time swallowing that, i'm not going to lie. i become so focused on myself and my problems and aches and pains and complaints. but thats wrong. its all about Him. God I give you all the glory- in every situation in my life. i don't have much. actually alot of the time i feel like i have nothing. but that doesnt matter. I just give you all the glory...."Glory, glory, all the glory- Glory to Your name. From You is everything. Through You I can live again. To You be all glory forevermore".