the head

My head has been really bad since last thursday(week before last). I get really frustrated because I have pain medicine but I can only really take it around 3 times a week( more than that can cause rebound headaches). But half of the time it doesn't even do that much. I have taken alot of medicine the past 10 days or so. So far the count is 13 days out of the 25 days of this month I have taken pain meds. I think that the nerve block really didn't do anything for me. But thats ok. I have to trust the Father's timing. I will be healthy when He thinks its best for me. Lately the Lord has just really laid on my heart that I haven't been handling this thing well lately. Especially when people ask how I am doing. I can be honest, but I also need to praise Him. Not make other people feel sorry for me. Just imagine how many me people ask me how I am doing. If I could give Him the glory, for all of this, everytime. I know I shouldn't beat myself up for not doing "the right thing". I guess its just Jesus reminding me that, yes He loves me and has me in His hands, but bottom line- its all about Him. "From Him, through Him, and to Him are ALL things. To Him be the glory forevermore."

let the rain come down

Yesterday I was walking and I got caught in the rain!! I don't know where my fascination with rain came from. I just love it. I love being in the rain. I love watching the rain. Especially at the beach. I also love being cozy and warm inside when it is cold and rainy outside. And it's always so refreshing. Being in the rain makes me feel like one of the many heroines that Jane Austen wrote about trudging through the rain. There is something so romantic about it. (even when I am by myself) Strange, maybe, but I don't care. All I can say is that I love it. Sometimes when it rains (I think of Lele Fain- ha! shout out to FHRB) No, for real, these lyrics come to mind.

Let the rain fall down

And wake my dreams

Let it wash away

My sanity

'cause I wanna feel the thunder

I wanna scream

Let the rain fall down

I'm coming clean

These words make me feel like I can do anything. Yay for the rain! Thank you Jesus for bringing us the rain. Thank you for Your Grace that also rains down from heaven and covers us making us completely clean!! Thank you for the truth that with You, anything is possible!!

Nerve Block (phase two)

On Monday I went to UAB to get my second nerve block. This time they did it in my neck instead of my forehead. They made me look down for about fifteen minutes. Whenever I look down and strain my neck, the head begins to quickly escalate. Crazy I know. So they were finishing up the last shot and all of the sudden, out of nowhere I felt so sick to my stomach. Alot of times it will come on so quick. Deep breaths are a life saver. Usually they will aid in getting rid of the nausea. So that was the only bump in the road as far as the whole process goes. My neck was really sore for the rest of monday. All my muscles were just really tight. I was a little better yesterday. It could take up to 5 or 6 days to see results. Today my head is hurting pretty bad though. I hate it because I start doing pretty good and then it just gets bad again. I have to be ever so careful everyday. They told me up in michigan that chronic migraines is a type of disorder. You can almost compare it to diabetes as far as trying to control it. I have to take my medicine the same time three times a day every day. If wait more than 30-45 minutes after I'm suppose to take it, the pain goes up. If I don't eat at certain times, the pain again goes up. If I don't get enough sleeep, if I get upset, if I stay in the sun too long, if I eat one of the foods that triggers my head, if I try to keep going after it gets so bad- all of these are things I have to avoid each and everyday. Thats why it is so hard to come to auburn because it is so hard to maintain my scheduele, atleast for now. I am learning what self-discipline and time management really looks like and how to use effectively to keep the pain level down for my head. I will definitely come back and let everyone know if the nerve block does work. Thanks so much for all your prayers and just continuing to check in on me. It means so much.

Beautifully Broken

I was in the car yesterday and the lyrics of this song totally hit me. The song is actually by ashlee simpson. So i know there is absolutely no musical talent there, but her music is fun to dance to in the car. Anyway, there was this song and the chorus said "I am beautifully broken."
I thought that was such an interesting description. I feel like I am there in a sense. I have been so broken before the Lord for such a long time now. And even though it's so hard, in a sense it is a beautiful place to be- on your face, before the Father, and you have nothing to offer Him except just simply who you are. I have been in a hard place lately. I just have no emotion in me as far as the Lord is concerned. I know that He is so much bigger than emotions and I have to walk by truth, not by how I feel. I was reading Ericka's blog yesterday and she was talking about the overflowing of the heart. I'm just not there. My heart used to be bursting for the Lord. All I wanted to do was praise Him and sing or shout about His glory. But now, I've got nothing. I don't have that passion that I long for. I was thinking about all this yesterday. I think sometimes I try so hard to make sure I'm "doing everything for His Glory". I say that because my intentions were good at the beginning, but I just got caught up in all the details that don't matter. And no matter what I do or don't do, I will always have His acceptance. I am always complete in Him, no questions asked. On a scale of 1 to 10 I am a 10, even if I feel like a -5, I will always be a 10 because Christ is LIVING IN ME!! But I get caught up and I forget to enjoy life and enjoy where I am. Instead I just mope around because I am so frustrated with where I am. I don't even know if I am making any sense trying to put all these thoughts I have into words. I just have to trust completely in the Lord. I have to trust that this place where I am is where He wants me. This place is where he can recieve the most GLORY- I'm still chewing on that. I think we may always be chewing on that for the rest of our lives. But I just have to trust that He is so much bigger than my feelings and that His word is TRUTH and then trust that He is always, always, always FAITHFUL.

earthquake

Yesterday I got caught in the rain while I was outside walking with my Mom. It started to sprinkle and then you could hear the rain coming and then it started to pour. We started talking about hearing it coming and we reminissed about the earthquake that happened a few years ago. Now, I know what you are thinking. Alabama, an earthquake? what? Yes, I said earthquake. I don't know if anyone in Auburn felt it. And if you weren't in Montgomery three years ago, you have no idea what I am talking about. It may have been four years ago, not sure, but I do know I was in 11th grade. But anyways back to the story. I literally heard it coming. It sounded like a train and then the house shook and then it was over. It was like 3 or 4 in the morning. At first when I heard it coming I was scared to death. They always say that when a tornado is coming it sounds like a train. But when I didn't get sucked up I just thought that I was going crazy or dreaming or something, and I decided to go back to sleep. But that morning when I got up, my Mom told me that the news was reporting that there was an earthquake last night. My mom said that she heard like a train coming and then the house shook, and I was like I did too! It was nice to find out I was not crazy. I got to school and I had english first period. This class was so fun the entire year. We did a whole lot of laughing in there. Anyways we spent the whole hour talking about the earthquake and laughing at someone who called it a "hurriquake". I think it was Becky but i'm not positive. So isnt that crazy?? It barely registered on the rictor scale, but it did show up. Some people didn't feel it, but majortiy of people (at school that is) did feel it. Just one of those wierd things that is fun to reminiss about. And a fun story to tell people that weren't there. So have fun remembering where you were, or have fun laughing at this crazy story. Peaceout for now.

LOST

YAY! steelers won. the best part of the game- the addicted to LOST commercial. i strongly suggest you watch it, just click here-> http://abc.go.com/fsp/index.html?channel=SuperBowlPromos&clip=102942

GO "STILLERS"!!

the Famous One

I just finished reading through several of the blogs. The unwavering faith of our community is so inspiring to me. The cry of your hearts is to simply bring glory to His name. Lord, You are so big I can't even fathom it. I want to be alive. I want to walk in the freedom that You have given me. I want to walk in truth. Thank you that You are bigger than any emotions we have here in this world.

"Holy design

this place in time

that i might seek and find my God

my God

Lord i want to yearn for You

i want to burn with passion

over You and only You

Lord i want to yearn

Your joy is mine

yet why am i fine

with all my singing and bringing grain

in light of Him

oh You give life and breath

through Him You give all things

in Him we live and move

that's why i sing"

I love the phrase "I want to burn with passion over You and only You". Father that is my prayer. I want to claim truth and walk in it. I want to see everything around me through a veil of grace. I want to be constantly raising my heart to the One True Living God. Lord, thank you for Your faithfulness. Thank you for always being there, even when I am unaware of Your presence. Thank you for Your blood that covers me. ALL of me. I want to be filled with Your life. I want to be a vessel for Your love. I want to walk with confidence. You have already won the battle. I need to stand in that victory. So why do I make it so hard?