choices

I've been reflecting on my life over the past few years. I've mentioned this before, but I'm at a weird place. I think about who I was before I got sick, and then who I was after I got sick. They are two very different extremes. I also think about who I am now, which is somewhere in the middle. I don't really know how to explain it. But anyways, as I come back out of my shell, as I break down these walls that I built up in order to shut out the world, I wonder who I really am.

The other week at Encounter Matt talked about the parable of the talents. He asked what has God given you and what are you doing with it. Are you burying it out of fear? That question keeps playing over and over in my mind. Am I hiding part of who I am, part of who I used to be, because I'm scared? I don't know what exactly I'm scared of. Maybe it's getting so sick again. I've just been wrestling with that. 

As I was thinking about all those things though, it lead me to think about choices that I've made over the past three years. Choices that weren't bad, but just weren't the best. Choices that cut myself off from people. Choices that caused some friendships to slip away. Choices that caused me to miss out on stuff. BUT the other day the Lord brought all these thoughts to a halt.

I've been reading through Isaiah, and it's so wonderful. The passage that leapt out at me was ch. 43 v. 18-19.

"Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See I am doing A NEW THING! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland."

The Lord is doing something NEW in me. He is. I know it, I feel it. And that is just SO encouraging. I need to stop worrying about what has happened. Forget about it, because He already has. Not only has He forgotten it, but He is working something new and refreshing and exciting in me. In me. Why He is that good, and that gracious I will never be able to understand, but that doesn't mean it's not happening. He is moving. He is working things out. He is doing something new. And that is all I need to know. 

Isn't it so great how He moves and reveals things to us. I found this so encouraging which is why I decided to share it. Now matter what we have chosen to do in the past, He still chooses to work in us. He is faithful. He is always faithful. Even when we are faithless, he is faithful.

So I can sit and waste my life wondering about the past, wondering who I am, or I can choose to claim my identity in Christ, walk in His truth, and let Him work in and through me. 

I think I will choose the second option. What good am I doing if I choose the first? 

LOST SEASON 5

oh my gosh. check it out now. LOST season 5 preview!!!

http://popwatch.ew.com/popwatch/2008/10/lost-season-5-p.html

it's awesome :)

random thoughts

-the weather right now is incredible. who doesn't love the crisp fall air?

-i was reading for my linguistics class and in this chapter they were talking about the word [asked]. i often find myself talking out loud as i am reading for this class- somehow it helps me to process it. so anyways i said the word [asked] out loud over and over. do it. after like four times the word suddenly doesn't sound like a word anymore. isn't that weird? 

-my roommate was trying to convince me that most people like tuna. i strongly disagree. i think it smells like cat food, but who knows. maybe i am the crazy one.

-a commercial came on earlier with a woman eating a five dollar bill. at the bottom of the screen are the words "Dramatization. Do Not Attempt." are you kidding me? wow.

-i'm reading The Sound and the Fury. Faulkner is brilliant. insane, but brilliant.

-The Empire Strikes Back is on. oh how i love Star Wars (the new ones will never be as great as the old ones).

-tonight on Chuck there was a ten year reunion for the class of 1998. at the reunion they definitely busted out some Backstreet Boys and some Hanson. i was instantly transported back to the 6th grade. the funny thing is that ten years later, i still listen to Hanson. their latest cd is actually really good. you should check it out.

school

school has consumed me. i am not dead. atleast not yet. i always do this. i don't know why. actually i do know why. i'm just some crazy perfectionist. BUT Jesus is teaching me some great things. like school. somehow or another, i let my identity get wrapped up in how well i am doing in school. i think it's really easy to let this happen. my worth is based on my grades. obviously this is so far from the truth, but i feel like it is so easy to fall into this mindset. teachers, in some ways encourage it. you are a great student if you perform well in their class. i don't know. there's pushing you to do your best, and then there is convincing you this is why you are important. this is why you are great, because you have a great mind. so anyways, the Lord just convicted me of this earlier this semester. my identity is not found in my school work. my identity is in HIM. I am a daughter of the King. I am covered in His blood. And Christ in me is the Hope of Glory. gosh. that is a life changing truth. and then i wonder, how many times will i learn and relearn this life changing truth. Probably over and over and over. But it was just great to relearn that, and take that pressure off myself. Instead, when i do well, it's nothing about how smart i am. It's about how He is working in and through me. In everything, my purpose is to know Him and to make Him known. That's it. Bottom line, the end. When it boils down to that, everything becomes clear. So that's a bit of what's going on with me. Maybe I will be better about posting at normal increments. Until next time. -lcg