I'm Back

So apparently the thing to say to me when you see me is- "you're back!!". it's kind of funny. i'm not kid'ding like tons of people see me on the concourse and are like oh my gosh you are back. and then the next question is "Are you gonna stay ?" so let's see- Yes, I am back. Am I gonna stay? As of right now I'm hoping to- its so hard. i mean duh all of you know this bc you are either still in school or recently out. but its so hard. I am so tired from doing so much. Well, not much just going to classes. Its going to take a while to build up to it. and I've been completely unsocial, only because when im not at school im studying or resting. So if you haven't seen me it does not mean you are not loved by me- it just means i'm very overwhelmed and i need some more time of nothingness before i can make the switch to being "social" again. Classes are hard too. And i feel so old. some of these freshmen look soooo young. But i'm in a much better place now, than i was this time last year. even if you ask me i might say no, but i am. And several of you have seen that and told me that you see it, which is encouraging. I see dr. slaughter next week. Maybe he'll change something- since school has started my head has been really bad. like lock me up in a dark room and dont bother me bad. but, it's going to get better. i knew this would be hard. i'm going to end this post because i need to go study. i don't like the point that i am ending with, but i don't want to sit here and think of a good way to end. and thus- awkward ending. goodbye for now.

my oh my

so much to do, so little time! HA! actually I'm probably the least busiest person I know, but I'm used to-hmmm- lets say little activity in a day. MWF are killer. I only have 2 classes at 12 and 2, but by the time I get home I'm exhausted. And I'm in the bed by 10:30. But I'm up here doing the whole school thing. I haven't been able to hang out too much, but it will get better as time goes by and there will be room for hang out time. i've got so much work to do, yet i find myself sitting here on the computer wasting time. i got the food allergy tests back. i'm allergic to wheat, rice, corn, tomatoes, and peanuts. but they rate it on a scale 1 to 5 and all of them measured about 1/2. but i knew there was a reason i had always hated tomatoes. so no major finds. i go see dr. slaughter on sept. 6 which is soon, which is good. My head has done ok. Some days are good, and some are bad, but atleast there are good days, right?? My birthday was a really good day, so thanks to all who contributed to making it such a wonderful day. thats all for now- peaceout people. much love.

my new little buddy

check out the bear my mom and sister got me. how appropriate is he!!! he even has the ice bags. we were so meant to be friends.

DeLorean

Just had to say that i totally misspelled DeLorean the other day. But its ok, i know now. Had to clear that up just simply its a classic, and you can't misspell classics.

thoughts for the day

Bid day- craziness everywhere!!!! yay for my precious lil sis (my real sister, not the sorority kind of lil sis). She went KD!!! so yay for KD and all their new KD Ladies. I dropped my parents off at the president's lawn so they didn't have to park and walk. i really wanted to be there but standing outside in the middle of the afternoon = mucho bad headache. so i stayed here with barry (my lil bro) while he built us a lovely bookcase for all of my many unfinished books. but i couldn't believe the amount of boys who just came to watch today. it made me laugh. ok, can i just make a complaint- two of my classes still say staff!! so frustrating. yea so I'm watching Back to the Future right now. its called dvd-tv on amc- they put facts up about the movie on the bottom of the screen all through the movie. kind of like pop-up video. lots of fun. classic movie. i saw a dolorian on the interstate this week. i was psyched- i'd never seen one in real life before. yes well, no deep and meaningful post for tonight- instead its just my crazy thoughts that only i seem to find funny. all good. much love. hasta lavista baby.

say what

so i've been in auburn the past few days. very interesting to be back. even though i'm not back for good. taking it in doses- you know? i feel like everyone has grown up while i have been away. not like they are completely different people- you will always have your core that makes you who you are. but everyone has grown and changed in certain places. it's cool to see. i hate that i wasn't there for the growing and changing part, but it just means i've got a lot to catch up on. and visa versa. i'm still the same old christy, but my heart has changed some. it's good. i didn't really realize how much it's changed until being up here talking to different people. it's hard because i feel like there are so many people that i love and care about, but there is so much to catch up- i begin to wonder will i ever get there. because you can't go back. i would love to have all the same relationships that i had two years ago, but thats impossible. i think i'm making this sound negative and poor pitiful me. but i don't mean it that way. i'm just stating the truth. and i'm excited. so excited. but like i said before, i have to go slow. i HAVE to. no more staying after encounter until midnight talking to everyone. no more being one of the last to leave. no more rationalizing it because "its such a great conversation". I have to get my sleep, keep the same scheduele or my head will totally freak out on me. even like minor weekend trips can put me in the bed for days. but one cool thing is that i know what it means to be self-disciplined. hopefully it will pay off in other areas of my life. i'm turning 20 in a couple of weeks. its insane. sometimes i still feel like i'm in the 8th grade and at other times i feel like i'm 30. but i'm coming to a good place. i am in a good place- more so mentally than physically. atleast i feel like i am. sometimes i still act stupid and fall back into that person that i would be when i was scared and insecure, but i'm working on it. atleast i realize it. you know the movie "Kate and Leopold". They are in the carriage outside Central Park and she looks at him and says "Are you for real??". That has just stuck with me. I want to be real. I want to be vulnerable. I want to be brave. I want to be humble. I want to be kind. I want to be loyal. I'm all over the board a bit but those things are important to me right now. I'm kind of rambling but at the same time it's rambling from my heart. Being here in auburn just for the past few days the Lord has just revealed to me, yet again, how incredibly faithful He is. He is constantly working in me, even when i feel so far away. On the flip side of all of that, i have not been goofy or silly in a while. and that's important too. but i'm not too worried. i know i will be laughing often around all of you crazy people. but whats exciting is that i'm also around people. people who love the Lord with every fiber in their being. I've missed being around that. Constantly being sharpened. It's all about balance. you could say that and apply to pretty much anything in life. but right now thats really what i'm doing. i'm learning to balance. what's awesome is that even if i fall, i know Jesus is right there by my side. He is sovereign. "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you, not to harm you. Plans that give you a hope and a future." oh how comforting those words are to me these days!!! much love to all you people.
-cg-

update part deux

so i went to the allergy doctor on friday. his name was dr. borg. as i have written before, i'm now a trekie, so of course- dr. borg was so funny to me. the borg is one of the horrible enemies of the s tar trek enterprise and was first introduced to them by Que. Anyways- we got me tested for food allergies. something someone mentioned and we figured it was worth a shot. i'll get the results back in about two weeks. interesting, i know. i mean food allergies, who would have thought. oh well. i've gotta go. actually i'm headed to auburn this afternoon. whoo hoo. see you people sometime soon.