NERVE BLOCK

The pain center at UAB called last week to set up an appointment for me to come in. I was under the impression that I was coming in for an evaluation. So my mom called up there Friday to ask a question and we found out that I was actually having the nerve block done. So I was kind of scared- I was stupid enough to go on the internet and look up occipital nerve block- and that did not help at all. Well we drive up this morning and get there. When I have something that I'm scared to do I try to just not think about it until I absolutely have to. I can't figure out if that is a good habit or bad habit. But anyways, I meet with this nurse and she took my vitals. (yay- they were back to normal- all the meds from michigan made my heart rate go up and my blood pressure go down) Then this chick came in I think she was in her residency or whatever the proper term is for that. She asked me all these questions that I have to answer everytime I go to a new doctor. (I feel as though I could ask my way through a thorough evaluation on someone else these days) Then the doctor came in and we discussed the procedure. We decided we would try my forehead and neck, but the medicines are so strong you can only do one block at a time. I decided to try my forehead first since that is where most of the pain orginates. So it was bad at all. I felt silly for being so scared, but all they did was give me two injections along the edge of the bone above my eyes. The doctor told me that the injections were mix of steriods and novacaine. It was weird when they gave it to me- it was like my eyelids became really heavy and i felt like the stuff was really thick as i felt it move around through my eyelid. He asked me if I was ok and I told him it felt "thick" (that was the best word I could come up with) and they both kind of laughed at my description. After they were done they put alot of pressure right above my eyes where you can feel the bone. I sat up and I could barely open my left eye. And they tell me- there will be a lot of swelling, and don't be surprised if it turns black and blue. So all afternoon my left eye was nearly swollen shut. I kept ice on it all afternoon and it's a little bit better now. It looked so pathetic, it was crazy. Too bad I didn't come up with this like crazy story- it could have been really funny. So we drive home to montgomery and the doctor called my house right as we were getting in. He was checking on me and wanted to know how my headache was. I was so surprised- I've never had a doctor call to check on me after!! My forehead and the whole front half of my head is numb- it feels like how your mouth feels after you get a cavity filled. Kind of crazy. The wierd thing is that I still feel the headache. It's like under the numb area. There is still a good chance it will help. In two weeks I head back to get the nerve block along the base of my skull. When I say nerve block I mean that they insert the injection right where the nerve is (I'm just repeating what the chick told me, but it makes good sense) See here's the thing- Look how much I know about the medicines, the procedures, the side effects- and not just about this particular nerve block but everything else conerning my head. It makes me wonder if I should go into a field where I can use this knowledge. I just don't know- I'm still praying through that one. So thats all for now. If they turn black and blue I'm tempted to take a picture to show everyone- it would be pretty funny. But I hope everyone had a wonderful start to the week and for now, that's all folks!!
-christy

In you, O LORD, I have taken refuge;

let me never be put to shame;

deliver me in your righteousness.
Turn your ear to me,

come quickly to my rescue;

be my rock of refuge,

a strong fortress to save me.
Since you are my rock and my fortress,

for the sake of your name lead and guide me.
Free me from the trap that is set for me,

for you are my refuge.
Into your hands I commit my spirit;

redeem me, O LORD, the God of truth....

I will be glad and rejoice in your love,

for you saw my affliction

and knew the anguish of my soul.
You have not handed me over to the enemy

but have set my feet in a spacious place.
Be merciful to me, O LORD, for I am in distress;

my eyes grow weak with sorrow,

my soul and my body with grief.
My life is consumed by anguish

and my years by groaning;

my strength fails because of my affliction,

and my bones grow weak....

But I trust in you, O LORD;

I say, "You are my God."
My times are in your hands;

deliver me from my enemies

and from those who pursue me.
Let your face shine on your servant;

save me in your unfailing love.
Let me not be put to shame, O LORD,

for I have cried out to you....

How great is your goodness,

which you have stored up for those who fear you,

which you bestow in the sight of men

on those who take refuge in you....

Praise be to the LORD,

for he showed his wonderful love to me

when I was in a besieged city.
In my alarm I said,

"I am cut off from your sight!"

Yet you heard my cry for mercy

when I called to you for help.

Love the LORD, all his saints!

The LORD preserves the faithful,

but the proud he pays back in full.

Be strong and take heart,

all you who hope in the LORD.

honest confession

There is this girl that was my age in the head pain unit in Michigan when I was there. There were actually quite a few, but I want to talk about this girl specifically. She was so funny for one, but she had been there this past summer and was back for a second time. I've been trying to keep intouch with her. She had some sort of complication with her leg. Then over Christmas she had 2 blood clots in her lungs. While she was at the hospital for that her head went back to bothering her again. She was so sweet, and a few times we were alone and able to just really share some stuff that we didnt want the whole hospital to know. She was just struggling and have such a hard time. And I could see she wanted Christ's abundant life but she just felt so defeated. So I just sent her an email trying to encourage her. After I sent it, I reread what I had written. It was crazy to me- I presented her with alot of truth and encouragement, but I can't believe I wrote it. Let me share:

Please remember that there is an plan- His ultimate plan. The Lord uses all situations to push and grow us, as well as bring glory to His name. I know its hard to hear. In psalm 13 it says "How long O Lord, will you forget me? How long will you hide your face from me?" For the longest time that is the only piece of scripture that my heart could identify with. But take heart! Where we are weak He is strong! (2 Cor. 12:8-10) and again- "Consider it pure joy when you are facing trials of many kinds...Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him."(James 1). God has put you where you are to grow you, to pull out character traits he has already placed in you, to make you a stronger person, and to strengthen your faith(1 Peter 1:6-7) And you also must remember: "By his wounds we have been healed" (1 Peter 2:24) At the cross we were healed. Claim that promise, even if your not there yet, claim it and walk towards it. "I come that they may have life, and have it to the full" (John 10:10) He wants us to have abundant life!! "But then I will win her back once again. I will lead her out into the desert and speak tenderly to her there. I will return her vineyards to her and transform the Valley of Trouble into a gateway of hope." (Hosea 2:14-15) He has brought us to the desert, stripped us of everything we know. BUT He promised to lead us THROUGH the desert- He wants to bring us out, he wants to give us hope. Trust in Him and remember even when we are faithless, He still remains faithful to us!(2 Tim 2:13) He lives in you and He will never leave you. "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go." (Joshua 1:9) I hope this has been somewhat encouraging. I get to the point where I don't even want to hear about God or His promises because it just hurts too badly. But know that He loves you, He always has loved you, and He always will. You are His precious daughter and He will always be holding you in the palm of His hand!!

Obviously the Lord was speaking through me, because none of those words are mine. For some reason my heart has just not been- I dont know how to describe it. I feel so distant from the Lord. I feel like I am just devoid of passion. I can't feel His presence within me. It's almost like I just feel numb. A few days ago I just started sobbing. I didn't understand why my heart was feeling empty. I let the enemy sneak in and feed me lies. I was crying, telling my mom that I was so pathetic. I really felt pathetic and defeated. My mom told me that it wasn't true- it was only a lie that Satan was feeding me. I was able to recognize the deception, but my heart still just aches. I know there are seasons of life, and the Father is always there, even when we can't feel Him. But for some reason I still can't get back to where I was with the Lord. Maybe the problem is I'm trying to get back, and thats impossible, we can only walk forward. I just am asking the Lord to take away this ache in my heart. To fill me with His hope and comfort. Its so easy for me to just ignore the problem, and not think about it. But even then I am just doing random tasks and still feeling empty. I think alot of it is that I am just scared. Scared of where I am and where my life is headed. Scared that I will never have a day without my head hurting. Scared that what in the world will happen when I do get better- my life has been only doing the bare minimum for such a long time. I am scared to get up and live again. I don't even know what that looks like. And I know I don't have to. I don't really have anything else to say. I'm just laying it all out there. Maybe right now I just need to focus on truth. "My GRACE is sufficient for you, for My power is made PERFECT in weakness."

ive got nothing- sorry people

Ok, right now, I have no title. I guess we will see if I come up with one after I get done writing. I always want to have some really good title...especially if it is like a funny reference title, but then I feel I need to explain it, and then I go from that to something completely not what I came on to originally post. And I have another statement, well a few. One- I'm really sorry that half of the time my grammar sucks. It's not that I don't know how to write well, but I am just too lazy to do it- its just easier and that is what I like to tell myself. Two -I have not been posting that much lately. This is three but also kind of an explanation for two- I haven't really typed anything from my heart. But also I have had a lot on my heart lately so it was just easier to not think about, talk about, or write about it. Four- I always think of things to write about, but i just never make it to the computer. Ok, so now, this post unfortunately is not straight up a heart to heart, but I promise one is on the way.

So I have been watching some tv today (surprise). First complaint- The Today Show. This morning they had two segments that really upset me.
1- "How to Catch a Cheater"
I can't believe that cheating has become so rampant that they have a how to catch your spouse cheating on you actually in books and on tv. It is so sad to me. I don't want to live like that. I want my marriage to be founded on trust. Well other things too, but trust is one of them. But then I realized even if I marry the greatest guy in the world, I am not immune to that. Even great people screw up all the time. So I decided I had one option. All I can do is entrust my heart to the Father. I trust that who ever He gives my heart to is the best for me and ultimately for His Glory so there is no need to live in fear, but I still found the segment disturbing.
2-"The Art of Flirting"
This segment talked about teaching women how to flirt. "Flirting is power," this lady said. You can flirt your way into any position or place you want. I would be scared to death if I was a guy honestly. I can't believe she was teaching women how to manipulate their relationships, how to control those situations around them. And women wanting to control is not our role, but unfortunatley its an easy and common downfall of today. Women using their sexuality to get what they want from a guy is wrong, I don't care how you spin it.

Then I was watching A&E today- mondays they have 4 hours of 24. So I'm watching and I saw this commercial a couple of times come up for a new film they are presenting- "Flight 93". They are making a movie about the plane that was hijacked on 9/11 and then went down in Pennsylvania I believe. I am in NO way not crediting those people on that plane. Their sacrifices were huge, and I was proud to call them my fellow countryman.(one word, two words? i dont know) I just can't believe they are making a movie about it. The commercial shows people making the phone calls back to their families and telling them goodbye. Heck just the commercial made me cry- I change the channel when it comes on now. But I just can't believe they one made the movie and two are airing it on tv. Can you imagine how the family members left feel? Can you imagine how painful the experience was of losing their loved ones? And not only that, but now the movie will break their hearts all over again. I couldn't believe it and I was definately not impressed with the media of our country today.

Ok, now I will step down off my soap box. Thank you for listening :)

p.s.- this is my third time to come back and edit. i really need to improve my proofreading. maybe we can just blame it on my lack of school lately.

craziness

hey guys-
so i have this crazy story. well not too crazy, but funny i guess. let me just go ahead and tell you.

Ok so we have a fish tank at my house. We've had it for probably 4 or 5 years. When the little fish die, we flush them down the toilet and buy a new one to go in there. well we usually keep two fish in there plus and algae fish. Well a couple of months ago our algae fish started eating the other two fish. its was really gross actually. So we figure out that you have to actually feed the algae fish (whoops!). But i mean in our defense- you would think an algae fish ate the algae and that was enough. But clearly, it has to also be fed. So we got this pair orange fish. I dont know what type, but then we also bought this pair of like blue/translucent fish. (sorry i'm probably telling you more than you need to know, but thats ok, i always like to put it in details.) So maybe a few weeks ago one of the orange fish dies. So, i mean no big deal, right? HA! well about three days ago my mom says that she sees this tiny baby fish, only a little bit bigger than the little food flakes that we give them. And I don't know I just never heard fish having babies in peoples fish tank. well yesterday we are looking for the baby fish and we see three babies. the baby fish cant be any longer than a centimeter. Well today we went to look at them again and we counted atleast seven baby fish!!! Isn't that crazy!! I think that the moma fish laid her eggs and then she must die. So now we have all these baby fish. And for now it's ok, but when they start to grow, well the tank we have- its recommended to only have two or three fish of their size in the tank. so now our plan is to let them grow and then somehow catch them and take them back to the pond behind our house!!! I just thought it was a crazy. Hope you enjoyed my little story. If you didn't I am very sorry and I offer my deepest condolences.

I am also very excited about 24. And the golden globes- i hope LOST wins their catagories. and now the past few sentences are evident that i have way to much time on my hands, and i watch alot of tv!! and me- well i thoroughly enjoyed being able to see everyone at encounter last week. it was great, and i seem to be doing a little bit better as each week passes! the Lord is faithful!!
"I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full."

update

Hey guys-
so i must confess that I have fallen into this mindset that I'm just typing posts and sending it out into the great wide void. But someone was telling me the other day that they have kept up with me through my blog. I dont know somehow I just thought no one sits down to read this anymore. So, if you have been keeping up sorry I have not given an update on my head, especially since that was the whole reason I started this thing. So let me catch you up.

I had an appointment with a new doctor at UAB on dec. 20. His name is Dr. Slaughter and he is a migraine specialist. ( I know Dr. Slaughter, its really funny and just really ironic.) Anyway he saw me. I was worried he would not be willing to work with MHNI. when I got there I asked the nurse if they had recieved the summary on me from MHNI. Well- they did not have it. I literally started crying because I just was so mad that he had nothing on me and my case is so extensive. I guess I thought he couldnt help unless I sat there and gave him the like hour explanation of everything. But no worries. He was great. He is very knowledgable. You know what I mean- like a good doctor but also very aware of everything else that could be surrounding His field. So he made a few changes- I moved up to 150mg of serequel, and i take all of that at night now- it knocks me out. He also ordered an MRI of my neck, and he ordered an examination at the Pain Center at UAB. There I will be evaluated and they will tell me if I am candidate for nerve blocks, for both my neck and my forehead. Well that appointment is still in the works, so lets hope I get in soon. I called in a few weeks later to give the dr. an update. He then increased my pamelor to 100mg a day. Since the increase in both medicines I have seen some improvment. Not drastic, but slow baby steps. Which is fine with me, because I am happy that I am just making some kind of improvment. The pain that is always there has cut back. Its not nearly intense as it would be. However, when the migraine kicks in and takes it up the pain scale, well the bad ones have been worse than before. But I'm not taking abortives all the time anymore, so the pain medicines are working more effectively.

Thats pretty much all that has been going on. I decided to not be in school this semester. My parents and the doctor supported me in my decision. These migraines are keeping me from functioning properly so why push myself harder and make it even worse. I am going to take my time. Like I have said before- its a very long road. and its a very slow road, but i am moving in the right direction, just very slowly. Thank you to all of you who have just loved on me, supported me, encouraged me, or just simply poured out prayers over me. I will never be able to fully express my appreciation, and know that while I have a lot of time to do nothing I keep all of you in my prayers.
-christy-

Sonnets

I just recently "refound" some of Shakespeare's Sonnets that I love. Just wanted to share one.

Sonnet 116

Let me not to the marriage of true minds

Admit impediments. Love is not love

Which alters when it alteration finds,

Or bends with the remover to remove:

O no! it is an ever-fixed mark

That looks on tempests and is never shaken;

It is the star to every wandering bark,

Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.

Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks

Within his bending sickle's compass come:

Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,

But bears it out even to the edge of doom.

If this be error and upon me proved,

I never writ, nor no man ever loved.

the new year

I had yet another thought to add along side the poem. New Year's resolutions can often be so frivolous. So at first I did not make one. But when I heard about them on tv shows, I gave it some thought. There is so much that I hope to accomplish this year, I decided I should have something. But what in the world is practical, something I can truly stick too. Here is what I have come up with:
1) I am going to live one day at a time- to not stress out over things which I have no control.
2) I will never give up on what I am working towards this year, especially as far as my health is concerned.
3) I will not stop seeking out the Lord and His plan for my life- no matter how much harder it gets or however much more I have to bear.

"You will keep on guiding me with your counsel, leading me to a glorious destiny."
Psalm 73:24

IF

IF

by Rudyard Kipling

If you can keep your head when all about you

Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;

If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,

But make allowance for their doubting too;

If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,

Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,

Or, being hated, don't give way to hating,

And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;

If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;

If you can meet with triumph and disaster

And treat those two imposters just the same;

If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken

Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,

Or watch the things you gave your life to broken,

And stoop and build 'em up with wornout tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings

And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,

And lose, and start again at your beginnings

And never breath a word about your loss;

If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew

To serve your turn long after they are gone,

And so hold on when there is nothing in you

Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on";

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,

Or walk with kings - nor lose the common touch;

If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;

If all men count with you, but none too much;

If you can fill the unforgiving minute

With sixty seconds' worth of distance run -

Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man my son!